I am

I am

            I am the appetite of hatred. I failed to find where I fit. Do I try hard? I do not know. I don’t even know do I even try? I fail! Not that everyone doesn’t fail.  But I fail, even when I know that I am failing. SI, I fail. I fear failure and am one of those who cannot afford to let his dream fall, fade or fail. I do not fear hatred. Because hate is feared by the weak hearted. I lost love, a love that lost to lust. But never lost! Here!

          Tears lost, tired, but that’s good. I cannot afford those as well. Thoughts changed. Now I don’t believe that the tears and blood of two people is the same. Blood maybe! But I found that there are tears of a black heart and some tears with reddish tone. Colors fade! A black that is the result of white faded, me!

          Dreams die, desires die along. One moment you’re able to imagine yourself flying like a bird and the next, you fall so deep that you have to call yourself for help because no one else bothers, care or can. Even the lord!

          Questioning your faith will get you into this circle of faith. Much like a cycle! Tormenting your weakness and willingness to see power in the unseen, to let you be gifted with what you deserve, and in my case for say, justice.

          And I tried, with much success now, to keep myself as busier as possible. Busy with myself. Self-actualization, they say! But no, can’t I lie to myself? Just once in a while? Shouldn’t I let my feet off of this boots leading me to my dreadful destiny, like of everyone’s, of course, shouldn’t I?

          The answer always remains unanswered, no matter how strong I become, no matter how much cold I withstand, I fail to understand the mathematics of a smile. The science of social acceptability and the chemistry of love. I am what my mind wants it to be and only what I don't try becoming.